Leap of Faith

Pathetic

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 00:39:00 GMT

At a recent photographic workshop the model for the day looked very tense and restricted during the first part of the shoot. I spoke to her about this and on reflection she told me she was feeling pathetic. I believed that one of the photographer’s had contributed to this because he was getting frustrated with the model for not being relaxed. He didn’t say anything directly to her but did mention it to me. Further I could feel how angry he was and must admit was surprised at his level of anger.

The interesting thing was that at each workshop we set a theme for the day. At this workshop the theme was about presence and as part of this not intimidating others with our thoughts and emotions. I believe that at some level we are all connected and that our inner state of being has an enormous influence on those around us. As it is relationship can be very pressuring and when we have strong thoughts that are then not communicated in a physical sense the results can be very destructive.

I find too that photography can be such a great reflective tool for life. I think the saying mind over matter is very apt and is shown very clearly through the camera. The aesthetics of models reflect such a vast range dependant upon when the model is intimidated as against feeling secure. Often models are amazed how much their faces change throughout a photographic session. I often use this as a reference to illustrate to them the power they have over their physical lives dependant upon how they deal with their emotions and thoughts.

This shoot and the depth of the model’s reaction reminded me of other times in shoots where people have admitted to their discomfort. I have had both models and photographer’s admit to feeling like they were imposters and wasting the other person’s time. So many of us have been raised to fear disappointing others and this creates a cycle where we are tense in many interactions. However because we rarely are transparent about our vulnerability the energy is passed around unconsciously or secretly.

I believe that it is crucial to our own happiness and the happiness of those around us that we take responsibility for our emotions. The model from the shoot went home and reflected on why she felt so pathetic. As part of this she had to accept how strong her feeling was and how much it was shutting her down. Just by being aware she is now able to communicate with the things that have contributed to her pain. Through this communication she is already feeling a deeper sense of self esteem.

However many of us avoid and bury things like anger or fear. However in doing this we just build up more of a reserve of negative conditioning. I believe that this is what contributed to the photographer’s anger at the situation with the model. In a rational sense there was little to warrant his level of anger during the shoot. However there was also on a rational sense no apparent reason for the model feeling pathetic. I believe that in both instances the surface level reaction was stimulated by past and deeper experiences that most likely did warrant the emotions that both felt.

Apple for The Teacher

Tue, 03 Apr 2012 09:21:00 GMT

I believe that few humans live their lives from the depth of their essence. We may be born as feeling beings but are born into a world of rules and structure. A world that imposes a very definitive and cold doctrine over many of our most powerful experiences.

One of the most powerful aspects of life is the naked human body. It can inspire us, repulse us and very often overwhelm us. It would seem that this aspect of life as much as any other is subjected to definitive society control.

Recently the wife of a friend of mine found herself conflicted due to the judgment and control that society places towards nudity. She has modelled for my photographic workshops for a few years. She supports the concept of the workshops which is to promote the beauty and grace of the female nude. Further she was and still is very proud of the images. However she is a qualified teacher and now wishes to make teaching her career.

She and her husband have a great fear that should the education board find her nude shots that her teaching prospects will be ruined. As a consequence of this they asked me to remove any nude photos I have of her on my online portfolios.I felt very pressured and compromised by their request and the desperate agression that came with the request.

In general I feel that many parents, schools and governments seem to prefer to bury issues rather than embrace them with open communication. As it is many kids are confused about bodies, looks ect and their teachers are too. Further many of these same teachers have a passion for nudity and expression but feel scared to be open about their true thoughts on such issues.

There is no middle ground with regards to nudity and as such deep understanding is blocked in favour of ignorance, avoidance and control. Hence the experience of nudity is either through sexually suggestive imagery or parents, teachers and other authority figures making
it a taboo subject.

Whilst preparing this piece I was reminded of the Adam and Eve story. We are led to believe that God was hurt by Adam and Eve and that we are born into sin.Religion has us accept this without deep questioning just as society pressures us to accept it’s doctrine on things like nudity and exposure to children.

I believe that in our society many things that are accepted as definitive truth are far from so. In this situation I do not believe that my friend’s wife should lie and manipulate in order to get a job teaching children. Further I do not believe that the education board is helping anyone by pressuring teachers to feel a need to compromise their values in order to get a job.

Once again the Garden of Eden story seems relevant. Adam and Eve had no fear or guilt over their bodies until Eve took the apple presumably against God’s will. This story seems to be implanted in many human physche’s. If this story is true surely God would not be angry at or threatened by anyone for seeking knowledge.

It would seem that the modern God is the judgment we fear from society and each other. Surely no secure body or person, let alone God, would judge another for following their passions. If we continue to pedestal society judgment over our knowledge then we are supporting dysfunctional emotion and irrational behaviour.

reputation

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:34:00 GMT

In the past week in Melbourne there have been 2 front page stories about one of our ex footballers. The first story being about him visiting a jail and having cocaine traces on his clothing . The second story being the footballer refuting any evidence that suggested he is taking cocaine. This led me to question what most people would do in a similar situation.

I do not know either way if the footballer in question is taking cocaine. If he has been wrongly accused then I think he has done the 100% right thing in defending himself in the same forum that promoted the accusations. However if he is using then I believe he should have come out and admitted to the use.

I think that we live in a society that encourages us to place reputation ahead of truth. Firstly we seem to place appearances as our gospel which places enormous pressure on people to appear strong, confident and honest. Secondly we think on a very shallow and reactive level and as such punish those who seem to act in any way that challenges our sensibilities.

Hence whenever our behaviour is questioned it is natural for us to want to defend our reputations for fear of being rejected. I see this as destructive on so many levels. When we do manipulate the truth of a situation to protect our reputation we still know the real truth. Hence unless we fully look into what we have done and how we feel about it we are likely to carry guilt. Further I believe that it is guilt that drives much of our destructive behavior including the addiction to external substances, activity or people.

Also I believe that when people manipulate truth to protect reputation they are contributing to the fear and guilt of others. Human life has many dysfunctions and most of us are affected at some level. When reputation comes before transparent communication the extent of pain, fear and insecurity in the community is deeply hidden. Hence when a person knows they have certain weaknesses they feel even worse because others/society do not seem to be experiencing similar issues.

Therefor I believe that every person who experiences trouble in life can become a positive influence on others by accepting and honestly communicating their vulnerability. Not to be a victim or to make excuses but to educate themselves and those around them. All too often the more pedestalled a person is the less likely they are to be transparent about weakness. This starts with parents and teachers and extends through to our politicians and celebrity figures.

Public figures have an especially gifted opportunity to shape their society. If I was well known I would like to think that I would use this position to educate others about the struggles that we all face. To bring a deeper questioning to life and how we judge ourselves and others. Our world may presently be about how we appear but this does not create real joy and freedom for anyone. However if we drop our protective walls and communicate transparently then suffering,weakness and addiction will be greatly reduced.

S-L-O-W

Sun, 29 Jan 2012 03:35:00 GMT

The term slow in some instances can be very offensive. To call someone slow can be suggesting that they are stupid. Further that if they are stupid they are also far less worthy than someone who is not deemed stupid. Because of this there is an enormous pressure in society to be quick and smart so as to avoid the punishment that is attributed to a slow person.

Whilst the trauma of being slow starts at school age it would seem to be repeated much throughout adult life. How many of you feel stressed and even aggressive when people pressure you on the road to cross an intersection before you feel it to be safe? Once again often the pressure coming from behind is suggesting that your slowness is also a reflection of your being stupid and less.

However could it be that the real stupidity is the pace and pressure we live life under? For the history of mankind it would seem that we have created dysfunction. Mistrust, violence, hunger, greed ect. In modern times where we are meant to be so advanced it would still seem that survival, control and winning is far more important than love and unity and peace. However the majority of us accept society as it is and place little thought on how to make it better.

One of the main reasons for this pace and achievement pressure is the avoidance of pain. I believe that we are so fearful of our own insecurity that we make it a priority to to be ignorant of it. Hence incessant activity occupies our minds and makes it easier to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Further material success helps to convince us that we are more secure than what is actually the truth.

So on this basis I see that slowing down and having far less dependancy for material success could be the most intelligent way of living. From this place we would more likely be aware to our own emotions and those around us. We would have the intent and time to care about and understand eachother rather than compete.

People who choose to be slow and deep will however be likely to encounter much opposition. People who rush and avoid emotion are in the majority.Such people do not respond well to being questioned .Further the more a person lives from a slower and more aware place the more their life decisions will be at odds with what society holds as it’s security blanket.

The key is to take nothing as gospel but to still consider all that your environment brings forth. Then with a philosophy of being personally aware rather than being superior or protected you will gain access to a deeper knowledge. The more acess you get to this knowledge the more secure you will become. Then from this secure place you will remain calm and free no matter how loud and agressive the car horn behind you may be.

Fear of Loss

Tue, 03 May 2011 07:19:00 GMT

I often think about the fear of loss that I believe I and many others live by. Was just talking on the phone with my Mum and she inspired me to look into the subject again. She is a very sensitive woman but for much of her life has lived in fear in her relationships. A few years ago it got to the point where she would become very cold in any situation that involved her feeling uncomfortable.

She and Dad are about to go on a trip to Sydney and I was sensing that she was stressed over it. On reflection she realised that she was carrying stress as to things that could possibly go wrong. I suggested to her that many people live in fear and that we react to fear in different ways. Some become dominant and some hesitant. However in all situations where fear is present people act at less than their most efficient capacity.

As such Mum’s stress over things going wrong could be based on very real situations. Our society rarely gives sacred service and I also feel that in general relationships we are often emotionally cold due to the stress we perceive and have experienced in relationship. However because we do in many instances perceive loss or discomfort we are carrying a restricting and protective wall much of the time in life.

In my photography I regularly encounter people putting their protective walls up to the camera. They place great importance on the result and fear the photograph not looking how they wish it to look. So they are perceiving loss and generally experience images that are not inspiring because they have distorted both their physical and emotional selves.

My Mum has also provided a good example of this. Being older she has not been raised in the computer generation. I have brought her a computer and an internet connection. For the first year she was having continual issues with the computer and the internet. As it was I have had to replace 2 computers and 2 internet modems. I believe it is the mind over matter scenario. She so feared and expected the computer not to work properly that it froze.

I have suggested to Mum that this is true of all of life. That our power of mind and emotion does in many or most instances shape what we create materially in life. I think this also gets back to a basic human fear which is rejection. Most of us have been hurt and disappointed by people close to us. It has conditioned us to not trust and to expect loss and hurt. However every relationship has a dual creative energy.

If one person is blocked and restricted it is likely to affect the other person. Once again gets back to photography. If photographer or model is fearful or blocked the other often feels intimidated by the energy. In Mum’s case she has always had a powerful energy and has not only polarised computers but also people to often reject her.

I believe that I have over my life taken on much of my Mum’s fear of loss. However for the past few years we have both worked hard to bring awareness to our feelings of loss and vulnerability. To accept when we feel intimidated or uncomfortable and to resist the tempation to become cold and protective.

In this way we have brought knowledge and freedom to the things we have stored as fear. Gradually this is enabling us to bring a deeper purpose to our relationships. I believe that in general life should be about creating as much joy and fulfillment as possible. By taking the risk to be vulnerable we can transform fear into inspiring experiences.

Facebook Ignorance

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 03:07:00 GMT

Like many others I have a page on facebook. I regularly upload information about my photographic workshops and also get involved in the various discussions. In my time on there I have frequently become frustrated with some of the things posted. So often people use their status section [ this is a section where you can make statements to the people on your friend’s list] to attack others or just to vent.

The other main use for this section seems to be to incessantly post what I see as frivolous and irrelevant pieces of information. Further most people then support these messages which to me supports the person to feel like their messages are valid and worthwhile. I see that something like facebook can be so empowering given how many people it reaches. However in general it would seem to be more of a destructive tool than a positive one.

I beleive that this is perhaps a mirror of society in general. That we are becoming ever more distant from our deepest feelings and emotions. That things like facebook give us an opportunity to be quick and shallow. Further that the constant messaging is yet another activity that can keep us occupied and at the same time shield us from deeper issues on an individual and society standing.

In general I see that much of human nature conditions us to be shallow in thought and ignorant of pain. Funny thing is that the word ignornant seems to be becoming a very offensive one to use. However ignorance from my perspective is not suggesting that a person is in any way stupid. I use it to suggest that a person is not making it a priority to be self aware and self responsible.

I further believe that the more advanced society becomes the less authentic is our communication. We are in a constant rush and rarely take the time to go deep into our beliefs, emotions and general thinking. In this way we are continually becoming colder and more distant whilst pretending that we are not. However if people decided to communicate from an honest persepective I beleive that we could very quickly re connect with heart and create relationships that are compassionate and fulfilling.

Think that everyone has some pain that they have experienced. By resisting pain and looking for things to do to take our minds off the pain we are creating deeper pain. Popular mediums like facebook could be fantastic tools to heal humanity quickly but only when we are prepared to speak from our hearts and not fear the judgments of others.

Resist Persists

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 02:42:00 GMT

Was on a run this morning and felt pain in my Achilles and various other parts of my body. I decided to really take my attention to the pain and did so throughout the duration of the run. As I did this a saying kept coming back to me. WHAT YOU RESIST PERSISTS.

I actually believe that the things we ignore or resist not only persist but continually grow. My body pain was uncomfortable but had I not meditated on it I believe it would have stopped me from running. I am now more than ever realizing that as soon as I feel discomfort I tend to rush into judgment. That I have been conditioned to be a little precious with life’s discomforts.

I think our society in general is not good in handling discomfort. We are increasingly more becoming a society that looks for quick fixes to our discomfort. We seem to want to bury much of what we feel so deeply that it becomes out of mind. I wonder if much of our physical pain is related to this quick fix mentality to discomfort.

I think that much physical pain is due to suppressed emotional pain. Then when the emotional becomes physical we are too quick to treat the symptom rather than slow down and patiently look for the root cause. I think much of this comes down to what I see as a common human dysfunction. I believe that our communication skills are terrible. That we are so self absorbed in avoiding discomfort that we are shallow in how we interact with ourselves and others.

Life is confusing at times and often is uncomfortable. However avoiding discomfort on a physical and/or emotional level is manipulating what is. It is not accepting what we are feeling and creating a resistance that is stored deep inside. The more we store things the more chance that we become precious people capable of destructive behaviour. Further we become addicted to the activities and substances that we believe are curing us of pain and discomfort.

On my run I slowed my mind and honored my discomfort. As I did this I found that my mind accepted what I was feeling and the feelings began to communicate with me. By the time I finished my run I felt physically less restricted and emotionally very empowered. I believe that if more people accepted their discomfort that we could become physically healthier people. Further that we would become more honest and emotionally secure people. People who would then become less self absorbed in pain and more connected to life, relationship and love.

Trust and Communication

Fri, 18 Feb 2011 06:42:00 GMT

Recently loaded an image onto my redbubble page titled Mutual Trust. It has inspired me to look more deeply into the topic. Whilst we all seem to rate trust as an improtant ingredient in being human I question how strong our trust is.

The way I see it most of us only trust until we are rejected or hurt. Then we tend to cover over our pain and put up protective walls to being hurt again. In general I do not believe that many humans have a strong trust for life. This does touch on our belief in God and creation. Unfortunatly it would seem that religion has been the messenger of God. However I see that much of religion is about preaching and controlling rather than open communication.

If there is a God I would imagine he would be secure within himself. That he would have no need to control or protect. That he would be open to communication and would not be hurt by the rejection or questioning of others. Further if he did feel he had made a mistake or was confused about something I believe he would honestly communicate this.

If our religions, governments, parents ect were more God like then we would be raised to create a very different human experience. As I see it all humans have been hurt yet try to pretend that they have let it go. However unless the hurt is embraced and understood I believe it stays stored inside. Further that it at least unconsciously erodes our faith in life, self and others.

If we are evert o truly be trustworthy people then we must accept our own vulnerability and pain. To then communicate this transparently with our own internal dialogue. Then if our life experiences and fellow humans put us in a position where our inner pain is touched upon to not pretend that we are strong.

As I see it one of the main issues with parenting and authority figures is that few are prepared to admit to their weakness. The same scenario also seems to play out amongst human peers. We are so desperate to be liked and accepted that we often are not honest in our relationships.

So perhaps the best way to begin creating a trusting world is for each individual to be honest. This doesn't mean offending each other. It does mean being prepared to go deep inside and embrace what we find there. From this place to communicate with each other in a way where we can collectivly try to understand the aspects of life that are jointly feared and mis understood.

I believe that if individuals and especially authority figures live from an honest place that trust will be felt. Further that the more hionesty and trust there is the less energy there will be to fuel violence and abuse. Once we have managed to lessen such destructive behaviour then perhaps more people will truly begin to have a faith in creation.

Appearances and Mental Health

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 03:20:00 GMT

I think that we live in a society that puts far more energy and effort into appearances than truth. That most of us are insecure within ourselves but are not open to accepting this. As such we put up fronts to protect our inner state of being.

However to my mind this is just manifesting a deeper and more dangerous level of insecurity. It is much about loving appearances rather than loving people and ourselves. The more we do this the more we are manifesting an intimidating and competitive world.

Put yourself in the position of an insecure person. They enter a room feeling vulnerable and then sense tension in the environment. However from what they are seeing the other people are all confident, strong and secure. This just has them feel that the tension and feelings of weakness is solely their issue.

The person in this room would become intimidated in the group due to their own feelings of inadequacy. However if the group was open about their own insecurity then the person entering the room would not feel so intimidated. I see this played out much in the public forum. Politicians and many celebrities often project an image that belies their inner state of guilt or vulnerability.

Further when such people are exposed as being vulnerable they do all they can to put a spin on things to protect their reputation. However if people on the society pedestal were prepared to be transparent about their own short comings they would encourage others to also be more accepting of themselves.

Humans have an enormous capacity to understand life and communicate such understanding. However for our history we seem to have used our communication to block rather than promote understanding and knowledge. The desperate need we place on protection and reputation has far outweighed our inclination and ability to get to the true depth of life.

I see that this is also a great influence on our mental health. Depression and mental illness continues to grow whilst transparency and open communication is increasingly restricted. I believe that the people who have the ability to sense the deepest are the ones most challenged by the lack of depth and honesty in society. They are the ones who sense the insecurity but are bluffed by how well society presents itself.

The solution as I see it is two fold. That society becomes more open and honest so that what is sensed is not questioned by the physical. Secondly that those who are sensitively gifted realize the basic dysfunction of society and develop more faith in their sensory ability.

Young Nudes Not so Black and White

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 04:41:00 GMT

nb; The following piece was written a few years ago in follow up to another piece I had written about an Australian photographer who was in the news for photographing people under 18 years of age.Mr.Rudd was at the time Prime Minister of Australia and had made some strong comments in the media about Mr.Henson.

In writing Child Pornography my motivation was not so much about Bill Henson and his photos as it was about beauty, freedom and innocence. I am 44 yet I still so believe that the world can be a beautiful and pure place. When I heard of Mr. Rudd’s comments I felt a deep passion to open up discussion about what had transpired.

I felt so much guilt and fear within Mr. Rudd and believed that his lack of awareness combined with his standing in the community was very damaging. I believe the majority of adults and an increasingly higher number of children and teenagers have lost or are losing faith in innocence and purity.

I truly believe that the essence of people and the essence of society is and always will be pure. However on the surface we are so not thinking and living with faith and passion. We have become a society that is most motivated to appear strong and free than actually be so.

With regards to nudity and young women I truly believe there is an amazing physical beauty. Further if humility is reached the essence emanating from a beautiful nude can be so empowering. However in today’s society images of young naked women are far more disempowering than uplifting to those who view them.

I believe that from a very young age girls are conditioned to think of their looks as a commodity. They become both competitive and protective. This is not in my opinion healthy for them or those they come into contact with. Further young boys are conditioned from a young age to be tough and strong and to avoid showing emotion. The result being control and possession from both sexes. There is no room for unity and equality in this conditioning.

When Mr. Rudd entered a strip bar in America I wonder what he was thinking. I am sure the majority of the women in this bar were far younger than he. When interviewed about the incident he seemed very apologetic and guilty. However in essence I would imagine that Mr. Rudd would have found some of these women attractive.

I believe if we are really honest with ourselves many of us would admit to finding young women attractive. I do not see anything wrong with admitting this. The problem seems to be how we handle the exposure to beauty and its powerful affect on us. I believe many humans have low self esteem and feel vulnerable around things that touch them deeply.

To my mind this is an enormous issue in society. We have so little faith in our own essence and the essence of society that we become so fearful of loss and so needy for validation, possession and protection. With regards to attractive young women the issue is even more out of hand than in most other aspects of life including money. Attractive women have become just about the biggest commodity we have. This extends to sex where there is little equality and a massive need to control.

Many of the responses to my initial piece talked about the need to protect our kid’s innocence. I believe that many of the adults angered by this event are holding little or no belief in innocence and purity as being real. Therefore they are reacting from fear and protection of something they believe their kids have but they have long ago lost.

An issue such as nudity and children is such a sensitive one and seems to have much confusion surrounding it. Surely this is providing us as a society with an opportunity to take away some of the barriers that adults seem to have in regaining a belief in their own innocence and purity and that of the world around them.

As it stands now I feel like many adults are protecting their children from what they see as a definitive about life. i.e.; That the world is not a pure place and never will be. That once you grow up you too will lose your purity so for now we are going to let you live in ignorance of how the world is.

I sincerely hope that this incident is not stored by most as confused judgment. Experience seems to have brought humans fear not freedom. If we continue to judge and condemn that which we don’t understand this will just get stronger. Already children are suffering due to our ignorance.

I so believe that if humans are prepared to search their emotions deeply and calmly communicate what they find that we can create a much more pure and honest world. A world where we would not have so much fear for what our kids will discover when they grow up.

Use but not Abuse

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 07:00:00 GMT

I am forever pondering human nature. I keep searching as I believe there is meaning to life and that any individual can attain fulfillment in life. A term I often think of is abundance. In my own life I have felt abundant many times but for the majority have felt lacking and in need. The more I search my own inner state of being the more I am coming to believe that there is such a thing as perfect balance.

I believe perfect balance is an energy of sorts that every human has access to. That if we slow down enough in body and thought that we can communicate clearly with this energy and make decisions that provide optimal fulfillment. Further I believe that any 2 people interacting from this perfect balance place will have no need to compromise themselves or each other in any way.

Whilst this writing and the concept of perfect balance is just a feeling I am very confident that it is also a reality. So often in life we humans are stressed and self absorbed and grasping for external things to fulfill us.Further the more we value an external the more we want to possess it and fear losing it. However if we were living in abundance I believe the need would quieten down and our relationships with externals would change greatly.

As I see it the abundant human being would then see externals as creations for joy rather than things that they desperately need to fulfill them. From this perspective they may be using other humans and other externals but in a fully conscious and transparent way. From a deeper perspective if there is a God why would he or she create anything external if it was not with the intention of improving his or her experience of existence?

I believe that if humans made it a priority to enjoy life and to communicate transparently about their experiences that life would significantly improve. Many people I know have suggested to me that if everyone was honest and transparent that life would be boring. Whilst this may be so my gut feel is that this would not be the case. I think if people were dedicated to being self aware and dedicated to making open communication a priority that life would be one exciting creation and experience after another.

This particular piece of writing was inspired by an intimate encounter I had today. I have been intimate with this lady a few times before and we are not in a monogamous relationship. Each time we have been together the feeling has been incredibly fulfilling and exciting. Today she asked me if I would feel let down if at some stage the intimacy was not as exciting as before. I said I had definitely thought of this but believe that depth, communication and balance is the key.

As it was I had an amazing time today and when our intimacy was finished felt incredible. Later in the day I was eating some hot chips I had ordered and was also so enjoying this sensory experience. Got me thinking that I was using the woman and the chips to provide me with sensory joy. However also realized that provided I am in the moment and conscious of the relationship that I am gaining benefit not just in my physical senses but also in my spiritual self. That I am in this way in gratitude to the woman, the chips and anything else in relationship that I am respecting.

Think we humans are conditioned to fear hurting others and also conditioned to fear being hurt. However if we embraced any fears and made experience and communication a key that hurt would be drastically minimized. Today I knew I had enjoyed the chips and had also had enough. By stopping eating the chips and eating something else or going to another activity is not in any way rejecting or lessening the value of the chips. Similarly enjoying intimacy at the deepest possible level and then moving to a different activity is not rejecting the women or the intimate experience.

I can imagine some people will see this rationale as flawed. However I believe that if humans communicate deeply enough with themselves and with others that hurt will be avoided. Sex and intimacy and romantic relationships are such a powerful human relationship experiences. If communication is not undertaken with such powerful experiences then hurt will be created. However if we can cast aside our need to protect ourselves and each other from hurt the communication will bring a deep understanding of and respect for relationships.

From this place we can make life and experiences sacred. We can cease to feel guilt for enjoying life and can use each other and all external creations for open joy and fulfillment. To my mind it is only confusion and need that creates the deep pain that has littered human relationships. Time to really go super deep to ask what we are living for and do all we can to live life with passion, honesty and open communication.

Mental Illness

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:43:00 GMT

Mental Health

I have a great passion for finding meaning in life. I think that I have been hurt often by feeling things but not understanding or even at times being aware to what I was sensing. I have felt depressed at times and perhaps crazy and definitely weak. I write a daily journal about my relationships with self and people and a recent one is about mental illness and mental health. I am going to present it in the raw form it was written. The she referred to is a woman I had recently had contact with.

By seeking results and success and achievement on a society level she is destroying herself and destructing her true creative ability. She is self self sabotaging and destroying her body and material life. Dad has done similar as has Mum. Sensitive people sense the sell out but miss the depth and truth of what they sense. Instead they feel insecure, bitter and overwhelmed and then in this self absorbed state are even more desperate than normally sensitive people to win and survive in a world that they more than anyone know is insane.

Then in their despair and victim mentality based on confusion and weakness they look for a savior to heal them. This could be a child, a partner or perhaps an anti depressant. However their real savior is the very thing that created the insecurity in the first place. Ie; Their ability to sense deeper than the normal person. They are the ones who could really heal the world but are instead the victims always seeking to be healed by a world that is lost.

I would imagine by definition that mental is in the mind. I like to believe that this is true and that further it is a matter of ‘Mind over Matter’. Ie; Fix your thinking and the chemistry will follow. I am mentally ill when I become a victim in anything I do. Jack and Jill [not actual names] create such self sabotaging situations with their deeply ingrained victim mentalities. They are forcing themselves to a destruction that will make it easier to be real. Once there is nothing to lose they can more easily free themselves of self absorption and connect to real sanity.

Because of the deep deep rejection pain Jack, Jill, Bob, Mary, myself ect ect have [loss of love at the deepest felt level] we are all always in such a rush to access a quick fix and to gain relief. I do this in tennis but because I rush and am not composed I get more pain. Then in tennis I feel helpless and bitter and out of control. This is such a deep human insanity to rush and robotically lose respect for the very things we cherish in our essence selves.

We are so desperate and fearful and it is so unconscious that we run ahead of life rather than enjoying it. So what I do in tennis Jill does in life. If we really worked to believe in ourselves and life we would have so much power, so much control, so much joy.

This is where I finished this piece but I am forever writing about my own mental and emotional state and that of those around me. I believe that world is unconscious and insane. That those gifted to feel the deepest have access to the reality of the insanity and also the truth of real unity and love. We just have to communicate with our own essence in order to access the cure.

Transparent Photography

Sun, 09 May 2010 04:30:00 GMT

In photography I realized clearly in a recent shoot how much I value people who are present. People who are free from any need to protect their vulnerabilities. People who do not pedestal the camera result over the joy of the moment. So many people have fallen for the trap of taking life as life and death rather than a creation for enjoyment. However to fully be free and enjoy a game we must learn the rules and skills.

When people carry past fear into relationships they are not playing the game with integrity. They are blocking enjoyment for the other person. However if we were transparent rather than protective we could communicate our fear. In this way we could collectively start to understand the rules and skills of the game of life.

When I teach photography some of the photographers are absorbed with their camera. They stress over focus and manual settings and a host of other things. When they do this they are not connecting with the moment or the subject. Also many models and photographic subjects are absorbed with appearances rather than being in the moment. They place importance on the camera click and lose connection to the photographer.

I see that much of human relationship is dominated by a fear of loss or of looking stupid. We are born into a world that is already confused and a world that chooses to pretend that it isn’t confused. Therefore most of us once hurt or confused tend to robotically get drawn into self absorption. This then disconnects us from other people and our own hearts. This process then creates material proof that life isn’t sacred and abundant.

However I see that photography can be a great example of how wonderful life can be when the photographer/model relationship is transparent. When both parties respect the process and accept any vulnerability the resultant photo can be so empowering to any who view it. When I see a photo where the model is respecting the moment it portrays to me the truth of life and relationship. No matter if the expression and energy is happy or sad so long as it is a true reflection of the person’s inner state I see it as positive.

We are all born into this life of humanity and relationship. We have all felt pain and rejection and confusion. We have also all been punished by others when we have made mistakes. However we all have a choice to understand our hurt or to become victims and try to protect ourselves from future hurt. However in choosing the latter we just disconnect from trust and truth and place a barrier between ourselves and those we encounter in life.

I have made a choice to go as deep as possible into life as I believe that the truth of life is that it is for joy and fulfillment. So whilst I do feel extreme fear, rejection and hate at times I always search these feelings for the reasons for them. The more reasons I find the less confused I become with life. And the less confused I am the more free I am to enjoy my relationships on every level. From this place I begin to create pictures and experiences that reflect my heart rather than the world I was born into.

Paint Brushes and Creativity

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:29:00 GMT

Have been doing some renos on my bathroom and have found the painting to be a passion for me. Whilst it may not be like painting a picture it does give me a creative fulfillment. Must have been reaching my subconscious as in the middle of the morning the following line came to me. We paint what we see and clean our brushes with what we feel. I wrote this down in my bedside journal and didn’t look at it again until I woke up.

This set of words is very powerful for me. I believe it describes how many of us accept the surface level as gospel and throw away what we are feeling at a deeper level. However I believe that the physical world we accept is far removed from the existence our hearts desire. As such we carry emotions that are a reflection of the conflict between our hearts and minds.

However most of us push our emotions out of mind. We tend to judge emotions as weak and live for appearances. In doing this we are shutting ourselves off from our creative home. We are living from an intellect that judges on the surface and reacts to it’s environment. So whilst we live from this level we will continually keep painting what is already in existence. The more we do this the more we convince ourselves that what we are creating or really recreating is real and gospel.

However if we trusted ourselves more we could stop the mad rush and listen to our emotions. To give our emotions a hearing rather than accepting the material as real. If we keep washing our emotions down the sink we are not only losing precious information but are in danger of blocking our drains. Human nature has in my opinion always been way off perfect. If we want to cease the recreation of violence, greed and seperation we could do far worse than place our faith in what lies beneath the surface that what most of us robotically pedestall.

Self Absorption Disease

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:32:00 GMT

I find that people consistently are unreliable and at times manipulative in my business and personal dealings. Over my life this has greatly affected me and I have often become instictively cold as soon as I feel cheated or disrespected. These days whilst I still get hurt I honour the hurt and search the siutation at depth.

The latest incident was with the local mechanic I use. I booked the car in for 9-9.30 am and arrived at 9 only to find that his shop was all locked up. When he did arrive at 9.45 he was very ambivalent about the situation. I have also found with this mechanic and almost every other one I have used that their work lacks attention to detail and any degree of passion or pride. This is not just mechanics as I also find that big business like the various service providers are also less than thorough and honest in the services they provide.

I believe at a deep level that society conditions us to not trust each other and to struggle with life. That this has us become victims to life and self absorbed in the unconscious desperation to survive, compete and protect. Whilst individuals or organisations stay unconscious in this lack of trust we will continue to manipulate eachother when we are under any sort of pressure. Further given how self absorbed we are most things in life seem to be a pressure.

I wrote a text to a friend a while back and it seems very apt for this piece of writing.We are all equal in heart. In certain situations or aspects of life one person may be superior in ability or strength. In these circumstances especially we must remember equality and not misuse our situational power as this is how pedestals, need and dependancy creeps in. You can only hurt another when you forget this in my opinion. In the situation with the mechanic he knows cars and I don’t. However I go to him for his expertise yet in life as it stands it is hard to trust a mechanic or a telecommunications company or even a romantic partner. The way society promotes life individuals and businesses often manipulate others if they can get away with it. Further in schools and in life in general many of us bully those who seem weaker or less gifted. What we don’t realise is that all of this hurts all of us. If one hurts we all hurt on a deeper level.

The best solution to what I see as a great issue is TRANSPARENCY IN COMMUNICATION. To promote in our individual lives and on a society level full honesty and humility. The reason we don’t trust and people abuse trust is that most of us are self absorbed in the pain and struggle that we feel we live under. However so few go deep inside of themselves to honour the pain. Instead we just carry it and it weighs us down and promotes a lack of passion for life and a lack of trust for self, life and others.

I am sure I am not the only one who has felt a victim to big business or to a partner or to a stranger who acts badly. However I wonder if I am one of the few that honours the hurt and really believes it can change. For the history of humanity we have bought the whole seperation thing. Because we believe in pain and struggle and seperation this is exactly what we receive much of the time. I am sick of all the manipulation and lack of integrity in society. However I know whenever I am insecure and needy that I am contributing to the pain and the violence. Really think it is time that humans swapped the self absorption for self awareness.